Reflections on Father’s Day: Real Love Doesn’t Look Perfect

Girlfriend. It hit me like smoke on the grill—quiet but unmistakable.

On Father’s Day, surrounded by laughter, plates, and the usual playlist, I realized I had been loving people in two very different ways… and only one of them was real.

While reflecting on my exes and the life I imagined with them, I realized I had been carrying two very different kinds of love:

1. A perfect love, and

2. An unconditional love.

The Trap of Perfect Love

Perfect love was what I gave to my romantic partners. It was curated. Polished. Aesthetic. Built on an idea of how love should look—date nights, matching outfits, cute photos, public chemistry. It was beautiful, but it was performative.

And none of those men stayed.

For the longest time I wondered why. But now I know:

Perfection isn’t sustainable—because it isn’t real.

Perfect love doesn’t leave room for failure, growth, or grace. It’s love with conditions. And I had been offering it like a contract, not a connection.

The Power of Unconditional Love

Then I thought about how I love my family and friends. With them, I offer space. I offer grace. They can show up however they are—soft, messy, thriving, unraveling—and my love doesn’t flinch. Their love feels reciprocal, safe, and rooted.

That’s when it hit me:

I didn’t actually love my exes. Not the way I love my framily.

Yes, we had fun. We laughed, we traveled, we shared life. But there was no spiritual space for them to be human. There was no unconditional love. Just an expectation to meet a checklist I had silently crafted in my head.

The Mirror: How I Loved Myself

What’s wild is that I was doing the exact same thing to myself.

There were seasons where I gave myself grace—where I loved myself fully despite my flaws. But there were also seasons where I only allowed myself love if I was “handling it.” If I was strong. Accomplished. Keeping it all together.

I used to “thug it out,” fake it till I made it, hide the broken pieces. But now I see how much I was withholding from myself in the name of appearing okay.

What I Want My Love to Look Like Now

I only want to share one kind of love moving forward—and that’s the kind rooted in grace, acceptance, and presence. I want the people in my life to feel seen, not sized up. Safe, not scrutinized.

Because real love isn’t something you perform.

It’s something you practice.

The Shift That Changed Everything

Realizing this didn’t make me feel ashamed—it made me feel empowered.

It made me a better partner.

A better friend.

A better version of myself.

When I stopped looking at people as reflections of what they could provide—and started seeing them as humans with hearts—everything changed. Conversations deepened. Expectations softened. Connection became the goal, not control.

On this day dedicated to fathers and father figures—who often teach us the meaning of steadfast love—I’m reminded that love is less about performance and more about practice.

So here’s to loving deeper, forgiving faster, and embracing the messy, beautiful humanity in all of us.

Final Thought

We don’t need perfect love. We need practiced love—rooted in truth, compassion, and a willingness to let people show up as they are. Including ourselves.

Let’s Reflect Together

💬 Have you ever loved someone for their potential, not their truth?

💭 How do you give yourself grace while growing?

✨ Share your thoughts in the comments, forward this to someone who gets it, or journal on it tonight. Real love starts with real honesty. Let’s build from there.